Why do we remember certain things vividly while forgetting others almost instantly?

Our brain is an energy-efficient and intelligent machine! It decides what to store in memory based on five main principles:

1. Novelty and Distinctiveness:
   Unusual, unfamiliar, or unexpected things stand out from the routine and are easily remembered. From an evolutionary standpoint, this helps us notice new food sources or unexpected threats. According to the Free Energy Principle, novel events sharply increase prediction error (free energy), prompting the brain to update its internal model—and this very updating leads to strong encoding and better retrieval of the new information.
   
   

2. Emotional Significance:
   Events that elicit strong emotions—joy, fear, excitement—are more likely to be stored with clarity. Our brains are wired to retain emotionally charged information because it is often crucial for survival. That’s why we vividly remember moments like a first kiss or a car accident.
   
   

3. Repetition:
   It’s simple—repeated information eventually gets stored. The more often an emotional experience or event recurs, the more likely it is to be remembered accurately.
   
   

4. Congruency with Existing Schemas (Association):
   If we already have a “schema” (a mental framework) for something, it’s easier to attach new information to it. Memory tends to retain information that fits existing expectations or mental models, which also contributes to the accuracy of retrospective judgments.
   
   

5. Alignment with Personal or Cultural Values:
   Emotional events that align with our personal values are more likely to be remembered over time, while experiences that don’t align with our values tend to fade.
   This is also evident in cultural differences: cultures promote different value systems, so people from different backgrounds remember situations that match their cultural values. For example, research found that Asian Americans—who place high value on parental approval—were more likely to remember events that “made their parents happy” compared to European Americans.
   
   

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Why Is This Important to Me as an ACT Therapist?

Understanding these “memory rules of thumb” allows us to design interventions that stay with the client even outside the therapy room:

• Novelty – Create standout experiences that disrupt avoidance patterns and leave a lasting mark.
  
  

• Emotion – Facilitate moments of emotional presence to anchor meaningful shifts.
  
  

• Repetition – Practice mindfulness and exposure skills repeatedly until the brain adopts them as new patterns.
  
  

• Schemas and Values – Tie every task to the client’s personal values, so it feels “natural” and endures over time.
  
  

This is how we turn small therapeutic moments into lasting behavioral change.

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Application to Psychoeducation and Understanding Past Events

When a client is “stuck” in a disturbing memory or repetitive thoughts, we can use the five memory principles to explore together why a particular memory is so “sticky”:

Memory Principle	How to explain it to the client	ACT-based intervention
Strong Emotion	“The brain flagged the event as crucial for survival, so it keeps returning.”	Normalize and encourage defusion: the thought returns not because it's true, but because it’s strongly encoded.
Surprise/Novelty	“It caught you off guard, and your brain ‘screenshot’ it to stay safe.”	Practice present-moment awareness to allow for different responses when the memory arises.
Repetition	“Thinking about it again and again strengthens the neural pathway.”	Invite defusion practice and shift attention to alternative channels.
Existing Schema	“The event connects to an old story (like ‘I’m a failure’), so it sticks.”	Explore self-as-context: seeing the story as content, not as identity.
Values	“It touches a value that matters deeply to you, so it got prioritized.”	Use the value as a compass: instead of avoiding the memory, act in alignment with what matters.

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Through this kind of psychoeducation, we:

• Normalize the experience (“Any brain would hold onto something like this.”)
  
  

• Reduce avoidance and rumination – the client sees the memory as biologically sticky, not as a personal defect.
  
  

• Create a choice point – when the memory surfaces, they can notice it, breathe, and act based on values instead of getting caught up in it.
  
  

This way, understanding memory mechanisms becomes a therapeutic tool: it illuminates the past, offers a rational frame for the present, and strengthens commitment to future change.

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Inspired by a video by Rachel Bar:
https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1BzdxiDwaA/

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Sources:

• Oishi, S., Schimmack, U., Diener, E., Kim-Prieto, C., Scollon, C. N., & Choi, D.-W. (2007). The value-congruence model of memory for emotional experiences: An explanation for cultural differences in emotional self-reports. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 93(5), 897–905. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.93.5.897
  
  

• Smolen, P., Zhang, Y., & Byrne, J. H. (2016). The right time to learn: mechanisms and optimization of spaced learning. Nature Reviews Neuroscience.
  
  

• Talmi, D. (2013). Enhanced Emotional Memory: Cognitive and Neural Mechanisms. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 22(6), 430-436. https://doi.org/10.1177/0963721413498893
  
  

• Tulving, E., & Kroll, N. (1995). Novelty assessment in the brain and long-term memory encoding. Psychonomic Bulletin & Review, 2(3), 387–390. https://doi.org/10.3758/BF03210977
  
  

• van Kesteren, M.T.R., Rignanese, P., Gianferrara, P.G. et al. (2020). Congruency and reactivation aid memory integration through reinstatement of prior knowledge. Scientific Reports, 10, 4776. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-020-61737-1